A Vampre Wil Nevr Hurt You
by goffikblood666
Summary: A Harry Poter fanfic ritten by Tara and Hayly about Moon and hayly's karakter. Read and review, or you are a stupid prep.
1. Chapter 1

(AN- ok gyz dis iz da real tara ok! An if u say dat its not da real tara den ur a prep! So me an 1 of muh frendz, her namez haly, we decidd 2 mak a nu fanfic! So den I askd raven 2 help me wit da spellin an stuff. Fangz raven and hayly! U gyz both rok!!!!!!!!! 11111111)

Hi my name is Luna Lovegood. At least that's what my mother fucking parents called me. Now you can call me Moon Shad'ow Ivory Tearz Florin. Actually my mom was ok but then she killed herself when I was nine. If that wasn't bad enough my dad would make me do all the housework and if I didn't then he would beat me and rape me. So today I decided to run away to my friend Cho's house in Tokyo. Actually Cho changed her name about the same time I changed mine. Now she's Eztli Kyoko. Eztli means blood, she chose it cause she is goffik (AN- I spelled that right preps ok!) like me. When we decided to be goffik we died (get it, cause I'm goffik) our hair. Mine is now long and black with red blue and purple streaks in it. Eztli's hair was already black since she's from Japan so she just put red streaks in it with blue tips. We also dress goffikly, for example today I was wearing a black sleeveless top that had lacey corset stuff on the front and it showed off my boobs. I was also wearing a black miniskirt with lace on the ends. I had black fishnet tights and I was wearing goffik black armbands. I had tall black lace up boots on too. Eztli was wearing a long sleeved top with corset stuff on the front and its sleeves were all droopy at the ends. She also had a really tight and short mini skirt with chains on it and it there was lace all over the bottom. Her shoes were plaid and they had really big platforms.

So today we were going back to Hogwarts on the train. When we got on the train a bunch of preps stared at us. We stuck out middle fingers up at them and they got scared and ran away. Me and Eztli found a compartment where out friends B'loody Mary Smith (who was Hermione), Dark'nd Heart (who was Jenny), and Gianna Virginia Wyatt Diamond (that's you hayley you rock girl!) were all shitting together, they were wearing all goffik clothes from hot topic like corsets and suspenders and big black trench coats .

"Hey," we all said depressed.

"Oh my fucking Satan, guess why me and Eztli came to the train together!" I almost shouted. So then I told them all about how I ran away from my dad.

"What a fucking bustard!" B'loody Mary shouted angrily. Everyone else agreed.

Then someone came. It was…………………………………………………………………………………………………………. Draco Malfoy!

(AN- fangz (get it) 4 reedin muh story gyz! an im guna b on vcation 4 al of nxt week so only haly cn updat! plz reviow, but ony gud 1s!!!!!!111111111111)


	2. Chapter 2

:

AN: Ok this is Haylys chapter now me n tara take it in turds hop u liek it xoxoxoxoxo luff yew gurl!

I started at my painted black and pink nailz as Draco came.I couldnt look at him not after what had happuned between us last year so I just started pulling at my clothes, A black long sleved tshirt with pink skullz on it and a black miniskit with pink converse, I was wearing a bit of eyeliner with some clear lipgolls and foundation, My blonde hare was strate nd down to my waste.

He sat next to me and opposhite Moon Hi he sed shyly hi i bumbled back I cant beleve that it was only last skull year he was kising me goodbi and teeling me he naevar wntd 2 see me agen. I WANTED TO FUKIN PUNCH THAT MOTHAFUKKERS FACE OPEN!1. He had hurt me so much dat I nerly tried 2 kill myself, he broke my fart.

It was quiet sudenly moon sed why r u being quit 2 me Darco looped up i told her i had a hedache and she began talking 2 B'loody Mary about MCR' Gerard is so fukin hoot i herd moon say I cunt take it no more. I ran 2 da toilets in tears, Darco Followd me

I looked myself in the cubickle and began to silt my rists the blood felt so good i was realy upset. Gianna Darco called Piss oof i dnot want 2 talk to you! i schemed back:

Gianna if u dnt cum out and talk to me then i'll have to cum in. he resnorted Draco just leave me alone i sed crying sullenly he appeared in front of me, Gianna im so sorry he said, i never meant to burt you, I love you he sed I believed himn

ok but wat ur gonna do about it i sed

he cleaned in and kisd me his died blak hare touched my face

this is wat im gunna do about it he sed

I kissed him back, suddenly he gut on top of me and started to unlace my corset i took off his top and tite genes He started kissing my neck sexually den we had sex and we had sex 4 da frisk time in 4 month, I holed noisily and began to scream ah! Ah! Ah! I smiled, I saw a load of Ravenhoars in da halway and told them to fuk oof

Den he got oof me zippsed his troosers and wanked away

Draco WTF!?? i cried angstily flowing him

He paused, cum on he sed

Okai I followed him bak 2 da compartmejt.


	3. Chapter 3

(AN- ok y rnt me an hayly getin ne revoiws,??? srsly hyz if u red it den u hav 2 revoiw, ok now dats a nu rul!!!!!!!!! an fangz agen 2 raven 4 helpin me wif da story an spellin and fangz 2 haly 4 makin a gr8 2nd chapta u gyz boff rok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111)

Whenever Giana and Drako came back into the train room me and B'loody Mary were still talking about MCR and how sexy Gerard Way was. When Gianna came in then she sat down and looked kind of mad. Draco tried to sit down next to her but she looked really evil at him and you could tell he thought it was hot but then she told him to leave.

"Fine well then can Moon come out here for a minute???"

"Just give us a minute to talk and then shell come out, k." Then he left.

"He kissed me!!!!!!" Gianna roared.

"But I thought that you liked him so why are you so mad then."

"I never told you guys but at the end of last year he told me I was a stupid preppy bitch who should be in Hufflepuff and then he said he never wanted to see me again. So I dont know what hes trying to do this time but I dont think I should get back together with him."

None of us knew what to say about that so we just stared at Gianna for a minute but we all knew what a bastard Draco was being then Dark'nd Heart reminded me that Draco was waiting to talk to me so I left the train compartment and went into the hall.

"What to you want, bastard?" I yelled.

"Come here." And then he took me to a different room that had no one in it then he started to kiss me. "What the hell!!!!" I shouted. But he didnt listen he just did a spell that made me keep quiet. He took off my top and even my bra but then when he started to take off my mini skirt I kicked him in the boy thingy. Then I made him undo the spell so I could talk again and I put on all my clothes and went back to my own room.

"What did he want" everyone asked me when I got there.

"I dont want to talk about that bastard right now, k!!!" They didnt ask again.

Then it was time to get off the train and go to dinner. After we ate we went to our Slytherin room and went to bed. Me, Gianna, Eztli, Dark'nd Heart, and B'loody Mary were all in the same bedroom together. (Except we werent in the same bed you sicko) After they were all asleep I was still awake thinking about what happened with Draco on the train. Then I heard someone open the door.

"Whos there!!!" I whispered cause I didnt want to wake up my friends. It was Draco! He did the same spell that made me not make noise, and he climbed on top of me and started taking off my clothes and kissing me. He was already naked so he put his boys thingy in my girls thingy and we did it together. He was really hot and he looked a lot like Gerard Way so I was really starting to enjoy this. Then someone yelled "MOON AND DRACO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!!!!!!!!!!"

It was Gianna!

"I'm soory! Draco started it, not me!" I yelled.

"Well Gianna my dad says I cant have a girlfriend since Im going to work for Voldymurt so thats why I had to break up with you but since Im backat school now I wanted to get back together! But then when I came in your train room I saw how buaetiful Moon is and I wanted to be with her now..."

Giannna looked seriously mad right now..........................

(AN- ok gyz now im back frum my vaction so i can updat a lot mor but only if i git revoiwews!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111)


	4. Chapter 4

AN/ okai its hayly agen, tara ur chapat cocked so hard it was kul u rok girlie!1

I wanted to kil dat bastard!1

I ran cryin 2 da bathtomb (geddit?)were I cryd, I cryd so mch dat my eyeliner ran doom my face. Den…. Draco walked in!1

Im sory he sed

FUK OF LOODER! I sed I ran out da roon cryin, I put oan sum moar iliner and a black prom-stile dress wif blk high I came out da room.

I ran out of da Slytherin vommon room suddenly I gut 2 da grate hal.

I collapsed.

Wen I was conscientious again I luked up and saw 2 bois, DEY WER FRUM FUKIN GRIFFYNDOR!

It wuz……Harry Potter ands Ron Weasley

R u ok sed harry

Yeh I sed

Just den Dumbledor and Moon came in da corridor Darco was following dem

Fuk of Darco I sed

Harry and Ron luked shoked.

I gut up and wlked away

Harry and Ron flowed me

Cum wif us dey sed.

Dey tuk me 2 dumbelhores office

Processor dumblehore dey sed can Gianna cum in2 griffindor

Letz c wat da sorting hat sez he sed

He tuk da hat dune and placd it on ma hud like he had dun in yr1

DA HAT SED I SHULD HAV BEN IN GRIFINDOR ANYWAY CUZ I WASN'T EVIL11

We all gapsed

Suddenly Moon, etzreli, b'loody maru and Draco came


	5. Chapter 5

(AN- ok now dis iz taras chapta agen hayly ur chapta waz awsum!1 fangz 4 makin anudr gr8 1!!!1111 an aso fangz 2 raven 4 da spelin agen u rok gurl!11 o an fangz 4 finly revioewin da story but cud u plz mak dem gud revieows????)

Me, Eztli, B'loody Mary, and Drako came in Dumblydore's orifice. Gianna, and those two stupid Gryffindor prepz were in there to and Giana had the sorting hat on her head.

"Hey guys whats going on here" Eztli said.

Giana started to cry and said "THE SORTING HAT SAYS I SHOULD BE IN GRYFFINDOR!!!11111"

"But Giana, that would mean your a prep! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE!" I roared.

Dumbledore just handed her some Gryffindor clothes. Me and all the Slytherins walked out of the office and into the Slytherin living room. I was really confused cause Gianna was my friend but she was also a prep since she was in Gryffindor. I decided I need to talk to her so I ran out of the door and I wore my invisilinblity coat, I followed some preppy doosh that was in Gryffindor and she looked like Hilary Duf (AN I fokin h8 dat lil slut!1) to the Gryffindor room. I ran up the stairs to where Giannas new rom was. I opened the door and……………… she was having sexx with Harry and Ron was holding a camera!!!111

"You fucking hore!111" I screamed at her. Then I ran away.

The next day, we were in class Giana came up to me and said "Harry is my bf now so you can have Draco. And Im not dressed like a prep so you can tell I didn't want to be in Gryffindor."

I decided I was going to forgive her so then I went to tell Draco the good news.

(AN- ok I hav a feelin da tid siz guna b a rly gud chaptr so revieow it plz an fangz!)


	6. Chapter 6

(AN: Ok guise dis is Hayly Tara u rok & fankuu 4 da god revues,ur awsum)

I cryd in da room, Hairy & Ron wos nice but dey wuz prepz!1111

I thort for a bit Sullenly I had an idea!11

I flet around in muh pocket 4 my wand, I grabbed it and pulld.

Ok guise I sed ur getting a makeover

"GOFFIKUS!" I schemed

DEY WAS HANDSUM!

Harry wus wearing black sk8r pants and a blak Blink 183 Tshit and Ron wus wearing A red entinies top and tite emo jeans. Dey both had loads of eyeliner on AND DEY LOOKED OF FUKKIN HAWTT!!!1111111

I fort of Draco

I ran oout cring

I ran 2 da forbidden forest

I shat under a tree, it had been reigning so I new id get muh Blak nee-hi boots and muh purpill skit wet and durty.

I cryd so hard I swore my eyeballs would cum out I had eyeliner al down ma face, suddenly Draco came there.

WHY DID U CUM!1111 I SHOTTED AIRGRILLY

I wanted to c if u wer okai he sed

WELL IM FINE I SED

U DNT LOOK IT! HE RESNORTED BAK

FUK OF FUK OF! I showted

I RAN UP 2 HIM AND STARTED TITTING HIM U BASTRAD!!1111111111111111111111 I screeemed at him He began to bleed as I punched nd kikd him!

Den Moon came!

GIANNA WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?1/1/1/1/1/1/1/1/1/1 she sed

I HATE HIM MOON, HES A FARTBREAKER HELL DO DA SAM 2 U!11 I SED

Den I ran away leeving Darco blooding in da foreset.

I ran in2 Hairy in skull I hugged him den cried

I LOV U! I sed

I lov u 2 he sed but wats da matter

Dracos a motherfucking bastard I sed

Well I no dat sed harry

Den I had 2 go c profezzor McGonagoogle abut sum Transfiguration werk I had to do (CUZ I WAS DED GOOD AT TIT!11)

Welcum Gianna she sed

Hello Profezzor I sed

I'm plezzed 2 hav u in my hoes

Thank u I sed

Nao herez da spels 4 u

I saw Draco and Moon ootsid da skool dey wer with

VOLDYMURT AND BELLATRICKS!11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

(DATS HOW SHOKED I WUS LULZ)


	7. Chapter 7

(AN- hayly ur chaptrt waz so gr8!!!!11111 an fangz 2 ravn 4 da spelin help agen. O an sum retardd prepy dush bag told me I waz a pozer in da reviewz I meen srsly wtf. But oderwiz fangz 4 da gud 1s)

Me draco voldemurt and belatrix lestrang were al walking outside. Suddenly Giana came running outside too.

"MOON WHAT ARE YOU ARE DOING WITH THE BARK LORD AND BELLATRIX CUZ SHE'S A DEATH DEALER!!!!" Gianna screamed as she ran towards me.

"STFU, they're my friends too!" I yelled back at her.

Giana stopped yelling and said. "But what if they kill you and Draco???"

"They won't cuz we're evil to. And whenever we were talking we said that maybe the sorting hat was wrong and you should go back in Slytherin." I explained.

"But what about Harry and Ron? There my frends to."

"Didn't you do a spell on them that made them goffik? That makes them evil to. Did you notice if they worship Stan or not?"

"They do. OMFG MOON. Your so smart. No wonder all the hot goffik guys wanna have sex with you!!!!111"

That made me really happy, even though I didn't like to brag about how pretty I was. I hugged Gianna. "You know they like you too. I said.

So then Voldemurt and Bellatricks got there black mcr brooms and flu off on them. Gianna went up too the skull (geddit cuz im goffik) and I started to follow her but then Draco took my hand and started pulling me to Hairgrid's house.

"Draco what the fuck are you doing!!!!111" I said angrily.

He went into Hairgrid's house and closed the door. "Hagrid isn't here rite now. I think hes looking for the giants agen."

"Stupid prep. I hope they kill him to death. Wait, why are we even here."

"Cuz I have to tell you something. Ebony… I'm a vampire."

I gasped.

(AN- ok if u reed it den u hav 2 revoiw it an no meen revoiwes ok! An prepz shudnt b reedin da story newayz so juzz go fok urselvz!!!!1111 mcr and gc rok!11)


	8. Chapter 8

(AN: OK I WONT SUM REVEWS!1111 UR ALL REVEWING N TRAS CHAPTRS N NIT MYN!1111 REVIOW OR I WIL RITE NO MOAR! Tara ur chapat was awsum gurl!)

I wnet bak 2 skul 2 get Hary and Ron

ITZ OKAI I SED TO DEM VOLDYMURT DUS NUT WNT 2 KIL U ANYMOAR!

Harry looked at me

U MUST CUM! I shouted Pulling his red GC top angstily

Dey both came.

We waslked in2 da grounds den saw Voldymurt and Bellatricks

Hi I sed

Hi dey said back

We shall kill Dumbledore! Sed Voldmort

Yes my lord sed bellatrix

I was shocked wen Harry agred

Den I saw moon and Draco cum out Hairgrids cabin

Dmbelldhor walkd out of skool

'ABRA KEBABRA!' We all shooted da spell with our wands

DUMBLEDOR WAS DED

Profezzor McGonagoogle and Profezzor snp screemed

We al ran away to Darcos hoes

WE COULDN'T GO BAK 2 HOGWITS!

Wen we gut dere me an moon put on sum eyeliner foundation and lipshtick. She put on a blak corset and a purple skirt wif blak kne high bots, she luked amazing. I crueled muh pink hair and put on a red lace dress wif pointy blak high heels.

I cryd and slit muh rists, everyone came and askd igf I wuz ok

Yuh im ok fangz I sed mopping up da blud.

We went in2 da frunt rume

Dere was a nock at da door

It was…….Mad eye muddy!

HE HAD CUM 2 PUT US IN ASSKABIN!1


	9. Chapter 9

(AN- dis iz tara agen. ok gyz now it iznt fare dat I git al da revieowz and hayly hadly getz n e so rember 2 revioew her chaptrz 2!!!!!!!1111 and haly ur chaapter wuz awsum!!1 o, and sum1 sed dat they wantd darco 2 beet up mudy an I thot dat waz kin ov funy so im guna do dat, lolz. If u reed den u hav 2 revew an ony gud 1s!!!!11 o an fangz (geddit, cuz im goffik) 2 raven 4 helpin me wif da spellin!!!111 stup flamin muh story prepz!!!!!!1111111)

When Mad I Moody came into the house Draco was really mad. "What the fuck are you doing here!!!" he shouted sexily.

"I'm taking you to Akzaban cuz you killed Dumblydork." He explained.

"NO YOU ARENT!!!!!!!!" Draco screamed at him. Then he started hitting Moddy and punching him. Then he bit Moody on the neck and drank all of his blood so Moody was dead now. Everyone cheered.

"OMFG, Draco! Are you a vampire??? Cuz you drank Moody's blood!" said Gianna.

"Yeah. I guess its not a secret anymore!" said Draco shyly.

"Hey Draco. You should give me a tour of your house!" I said excitedly. So then he took me around his house and showed me everything while Voldymurt, Bellatricx, and Gianna waited. Then he took me to his room

"Moon, I really love you and I want to have sex with you so can we have sex?" he asked me. I really wanted to have sex with him too so I started taking all of my clothes off and so did he and then we got on his bed. We started to kiss passively and then he put his really big glock in my girl's thingy and we did it together.

"OH OH OH OH OH!" I shouted cuz I was getting an orgasm. I didn't even care if the other people in the house heard.

Finally we fell asleep together. Wheneever we woke up we said, "I love you" to each other and then we put our clothes on. I was wearing a red plaid mini skirt that had ruffly stuff on the bottom and black fishnets. I had a black lace up corset with red roses on it. I was wearing black lace up platform boots. I put on my white foundation even though I was already pale and tons of black eyeliner. Draco was wearing baggy black pants with chains on them and a black MCR (arnt dey so awsum!!!) tshirt. He was also wearing white foundation and lots and lots of balck eyeliner. He looked so sexy that I wanted to have sex with him again but I didn't cuz we had to go downstairs cuz the rest were probably wondering were we were.

Whenever we walked downstairs, Harry and Ron were there! Only they weren't dressed like preps cuz Gianna had done a spell on them to make them goffik.

"OMFG, what the fuck are you doing here!!!" I said.

(AN- omfg dis story iz rly fun 2 rite so dats y me an haly hav a lot of cahptrz evry day. Remmbr 2 revoew halyz chaptre cuz I fink deyre awsum!!!11 u rok gurl!!11)


	10. Chapter 10

We wer al reeding da daily prophet wen we saw a sign da sed MCR & GC wil hav a concert!

We al gosped, dat nite, Moon, Me, Dracdo, Harry and Ron went 2 c them play, I couldc moon droling ova Gererd Way, closse ur mpth! I sad Lol she sed bak, After we gut bak frm da concert we decidd we had 2 go bak 2 hogwerts.

Wen we gut dere I saw a sine dat sed: WANTED: MOON,GIANNA, DRACO, HARRY AND RON- DER IS A REWARD BCOZ DEY KILD DUMBELHOR.

I began 2 cry, Hairy put his arm around me.

It's okay he sed wit his sexy voice

Sullenly he puld da invincibility cloke over us and we went 2 da lake!

Den we had sex 3 tims in a roe,

He was ded gud

Sudeently I gospd

IT WAS PROFEZZOR MCGOOGLE!


	11. Chapter 11

(AN- fangz 4 finaly revoiwung haly's chaptrs gyz!!!!! An alsso sum1 els sed dat im nut da rel tara WTF!!!!!!! I mean I cn sho u my fb an stuf srsly pm me azkin me an I wil giv u da link. Odderwiz fangz 4 da gud 1z also speshul fangz 2 raven 4 da help u rok guirl!!!! And u do 2 hayly!)

I saw Mcgoongal walking by the lake. I think that's were Giana and Hary went. But they had the invincibility clock so they will be ok if they don't say anything.

Suddenly snape came up behind me Draco, Vlodemort, and Bellatricx. Belltrix screamed and ran away and Voledmurt ran after yeliing "STOP I LOVE YOU!"

"Avabra Kevadra!" I said as I pointed my wond sexily at Snap.

Then McGanggale came running from the lake and Draco and Gianna wjere chasing her and they had there wombs pointed at her and they wre yelling spells at her and then I heard Gianna say "Abra Kadavara!" and then Mcgangooogle fell over and she was dead.

"Come one guys we need to get away from here" Draco said. So then we went into the forest and we made a camp there. Gianna made sum tents apper so we went under them2 sleep. Gianna and Harry was in one, and me and draco was in a different one. I was wearing really sexy pajamas. I was wearing pink and black skull shorts that were really really short and showed off my sexy legs. Draco was staring at them but I pretended nut too notice. For my top I had on a black fishnet tube top that was really low cut so you could see all my cleavage. Draco was staring at that to.

"Hey Draco" I said seductivley. Then we started frenching each other passiontly and he took off my clothes and I took off his and we did it for the second time.

After we were done then I asked him if vampires lived forever and he said yes so then I asked how someone was made a vampire. He said that you could either be bom one or if you were bitten by a vampire then you would be one too. I asked if he would bite me so I could be a vampire too. He said ok and then he bit me. I was asleep for a long time, and then when I woke up I found Ron.

"Hi Ron" I said sexily. He said hi back.

I put my mouth on his neck like I was going to kiss him but instead I bit him too. Then I drank all his blood so he would be dead.

"Moon, what the fuck! I know your a vampire but Ron was my friend!" said Harry.

"Im sorry harry. I'll try not to kill anyone we know from now on." I said sadly.

"Well its ok he wasn't very smart anyways." Said harry.

Then……………. Eztli came! "What are you doing here!" we all said.

"Well all the goff and punk kids rebelled against the teachers and all the teachers who werent goffik we killed them. So you guys can come back to Hogwarts now." Eztli said.


	12. Chapter 12 Teh Aplogee 11

(A/N Okay I think this is the final chapter now- Hayley)

I was sitting in my tent crying (after all, I was a self insert, as per with these shitty fanfics) What had Tara and Myself done? Well I could answer that logically, we had participated in a horrifying case of cannon rape, MCR references, 'Goffik' fetish clothing and above all we had become the epitome of Mary sue.

'CANNONUS' I cried.

At that point everything changed, Teachers appeared back in their respective classrooms and Harry, Ron, Hermione, Luna and Draco were back in their common rooms. The set of Harry potter was buzzing, the filming of 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows' was well underway.

That's when I realized I wasn't sitting in a tent with Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy any more. I was, of course, at home, in front of my computer mercilessly raping one of the best book series and film franchises of all time alongside a girl who is claiming to be uber-retard ( or internet genius) Tara Gilesbie. I looked back over the previous chapters and was appalled by what I had written. Innuendos, intentional spelling mistakes, stupid names for cannon characters that would only ever appear once in the story and disturbing sexual relations which had been played out by the mind of 'Tara Gilesbie' littered the pages. I felt sick, then I instantly felt sorry for JK Rowling, Daniel Radcliffe and Tom Felton. There was no explanation as to why we did this, other than that we had too much time on our hands and that I finally wanted to taste the satirical value that writing a shitty parody of a fan fiction gives you, I wanted a chance to feel all that and more, but more than anything though, I wanted to work with Tara Gilesbie. Ashamed was an understatement. That's when I became enlightened, I realized that I had nothing to BE ashamed of. 'Why?' You may ask, I will tell you why. Because this is an example of the content of 90% of this website.

Appalling spelling and thesaurus overuse is rife here, as well as Mary sues and lackluster plotlines, some so loose that they could barely be described as plotlines at all, just a mass of jumbled concepts and ideas strung together with cannon rape and horrific fantasies of horny teenage girls. Then the same people who write this kind of fanfic had the audacity to come on and slag off Tara Gilesbies 'My Immortal.' Hypocrisy barely describes it. I dread to think what J.K Rowling would think if she came on here and discovered that people are brutally butchering her stories then stitching them up again to suit their sick fantasies, come to think of it I also dread to think what Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson and Tom Felton ( because lets face it, they are who your thinking of via visual representation when you write these piles of HP fanfiction horse shit) would think of these dreadful amateur attempts at 'literature' made by folk on here. I for one do not think chopping up and murdering JK Rowlings world is either appropriate or respectful to the woman who created this. And I do realize that it isn't just Harry Potter you all seem so intent on destroying, It's Twilight, Nightmare before Christmas, Camp Rock (although that WAS shit in the first place) and practically any other film with a 'cult. (I hate using that word but I will) fanbase. Do you really think the authors appreciate your Sues' running riot in their worlds?

After I wrote and analyzed all this, I made a cup of tea and posted chapter 12. Aptly named 'The Apology.'


	13. Chapter 13

Yes. This is "Tara's" chapter again.

Did you notice those little quotation marks around Tara's? More importantly, did you notice the correct usage of grammar and spelling?

Well there you go. This is just another trolling account. But don't worry your pretty little asses, Hayley was real.

I did rather well, considering this was my first trolling attempt (I'm thirteen). I covered my track well. Who's going to figure out my real accounts? Only two people, other than myself, know that I'm trolling. A surprising ammount of people expressed that I am (was) Tara Gilesbie. I had expected nobody to fall for it, you see.

Anyway, it started when I made a fake myspace. That continued on toa fake facebook, where I met dear Hayley. Then came the fake fanfiction account made with "Tara's" new "friend" Hayley. You've been such a help, love, without you I might never have made this "story".

But there were some people who were mean to "Tara". I know she's an uber-retard (to quote Hayley), but why should you all be so mean to her? I decided that for Raven's facebook I wuold announce that Tara had to go to the hopital again because she slit her wrists. I believe that some people had applauded the fact that Tara might die. I don't think you truly hated her. So the lesson here is be nice to super tards that can't write for shit.

Oh… And guess what? I'm not a "goff". Or a poser. Or a prep! Just sayin'.

I don't think I'll delete this account. I imagine that my reader's reviews are going to be rather fascinating.

Thus concludes my fantastic trolling attempt that could have gone wonderfully well, had Hayley not stepped into the picture. I still don't blame you dear, this was such fun.

Peace, love, and tacos to you all. :)


	14. Chapter 14

(AN OK GUISE DI IS 4 U!1111- HALY)( I know it probably won't have the same effect now though)

I wok up frm my dreem, I DREMD I wos clevor an it scarred muh. Hairy wos slepping beside muh and suldenly I wus rly horneh so I woke him up,

Harry babeh I sed sexily

Wut he sed sleepily.

I wisperd 2 him den we had sex, I felt so gud!11 he stuk his wand in muh hole and we did it passionutly.

Sudanly I herd a noise dat sunded lik whispering, I was scred, draco came,

Hi darko I sed

Hi he sed back

Then he kissed meuh

OMFG Leev me alone u sicko I sed running out da tent.I went further in2 tha forest and I came acros a unicorn man. Da unicorn man jamped on yup of me

Leve me alone I sed He didn't RAP!1111 RAP!111111 I cryd

Den came draco, ADVA KEBABRA!1 He cried

He had suvd muh lire and now da unicrn man wus ded

He tuk me bak 2 da tent

Moon wus sad Ginana I had a weird dreem she sed

Omg me 2 I sed , she bagn 2 explan and den I realizd…….. OUR DREEMS WER DA SAM!11


	15. Chapter 15

(An// Hayley, dear, I hadn't expected you to continue this. I don't complain, though. This might be fun. I think I might rape English in this chapter... Just to see what it's like. PREPZ NO FLAMIN)

gianna i dreemed that i hat intiligins i sed 2 my frend.

omfg me 2 she sed.

havin smartiklz waz fun i sed.

yea gianna sed bak 2 me so thin she sed how abut tmrw we go an git sum crak an cokain (AN// Because, according to the original Tara, crack and coke are completely different thing) an may b if we git hi den we wil hav dat sam dreem agen.

ok sounz gud i sed.

so den i had sum sex wif drako an i had a rly gud tim. cuz i gut an organism!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111111111

den wen we wok up in da murnin i put on a wite mesh skirt wif sparlkz an mi shit waz a pink wif pees sines and hartz and faryz an raynboz and unicurnz an musik notz an smily fases an resycl sines al ovr it. Mi shuz wer pink converz. (AN// Tara , where ever she may be, is shouting at the rest of her friends about what a prep I am being.)

hey u luk rly sexy sed drako

u 2 i sed bak cu it wuz tru.

den giana cam ovr wif da crak an cok. hi letz smok da drugz now i sed.

ok she sed.

so den we smokd it an it wuz rly kul cuz it felt fabluz. sudnly.................................... giana sprutd an xtra hed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111

OMFG i yeld cuz it wuz rly werd.

den i srtatd runin arund cuz it wuz so werd dat giana hadd 2 heds now.

sudnely i ran in2 a tree. (AN// Tell me this doesn't make you laugh. Oh, erm, it doesn't? Never mind, then.)

sun i wok up in da hospitl of hogwutz. my fas wuz al covrd in bandajz cuz wenevr i rn in2 da tree i hit mi fas on it.

ow i sed.

hi sed a voyc. it waz.............................................................................................j k rowlin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111

(AN// Poor English language. I wish I hadn't raped you. I won't do it again, I promise. Oh, and remember when Draco tells Moon he's a vampire, but he says Ebony? lolz. I did that on purpose, just sayin.) 


	16. Chapter 16

Just wondering...

Do you want MOAR CHAPTERZ???

Review, bitches.

If you don't review, you're a stupid poser prep and I hope you die.


	17. Chapter 17

(AN// Aw, you guys want more. I'm touched. By the way, this is Georgia, who is not Hayley. Thought you ought to know my name. Oh, and if you flame I wont insist that you're a prep, but instead tell you that you suck balls. By the way, my fucked up mind came up with some pretty crazy shit this chapter. But I felt that J. K. Rowling needed an interesting death.)

"lol" i sed2 j k roling. "ur story iz ok, but sinse ur not goffik i hav2 kill u now, lol"

"w8!!!!" sed giana (AN// I refuse to explain how she showed up.) "may b we can mak her goffik2!!!" she sed.

"lol ok"

so we gave j k rowling sum goffik clothz. she wor a blak dres wit strapz an purpl korset stuf on it and da botum waz al frily and it had purpl on it2. he shuz wer blak butz wit silvr buklz and rly big platfurmz. she had a blak skul braslet wit beedz an a pare of eerinz wit blak an gray strz on dem. she had red i shado an blak i linr dat waz runnin al down her fase. she also had blak listik an wit fondatun. den we died (geddit cuz wer goffik) her hare blak wit pink strekz in it.

"wtf moon. i cud hav just dun da goffikus spell." sed giana.

"stfu." i replid.

den loopin cam in!!!!!111 he had hiz hand don hiz pantz!!!!!!!!!!!11111 he luked at j k rolin. den he puled out a gun an shot her!!!!!!!

"omfg!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111111" yeled me an giana. den loopin srtated2 rape her!!!!!!!!!!

"wtf" i sed. den me and gianna ran away cuz we arr returrded self insertun marysuez an we didnt kno wut else2 do. den i had buttsecks wit draco wile giana had buttseks wit hary.

(AN// Sorry. Just ignore all that crazy shit there. And if you don't review, the BAMF of Hogwarts (Neville Longbottom) is going to feed your penis to Snape.)


	18. Chapter 18 The very last chapter D:

AN- I am so bored right now. Last chapter, I promise. I just couldn't leave you all hanging there. I want Chinese food.

After we were all done with our buttsex, Neville walked into the room. We got down on the floor and bowed, because Neville is our master.

He's just awesome like that.

"Hey guys. I've decided that being goffik is just really pointless and silly." Neville said. "Since I am your master, I demand that you guys all wear Hollister and American Eagle and such. Also, you have to burn all your clothes from Hot Topic."

We gasped.

…_The next day._

We all had decided not to ditch our love of being goffik and obey Neville. If he wanted to be some stupid prep, okay. But he couldn't make the rest of us. I was wearing something that the good people from Hot Topic called a Black And Purple Glitter Gothic Sparkle Dress. I wore black open-toed wedges, and I pulled my wavy black hair (that had red, blue, and purple streaks in it) to the side. I pulled on my plain black fingerless gloves after I put on my makeup (the usual winged tipped eyeliner, white foundation, and dark red lipstick), and I was ready.

I saw Neville in the Slytherin common room. He was wearing preppy clothes, so I went back upstairs since preps are gross.

"Hey," I said to Gianna, as I walked back into our room.

"Why are you back here?"

"Master is being a prep right now."

"Oh. Well, I'm sure he'll get over this preppy phase soon." Said B'loody Mary, who had just woken up. We all nodded.

That morning while all the other Slytherins were eating our Count Chocula cereal with blood, Neville came up. We all bowed.

"Why are you all wearing your emo clothes?" he demanded.

"Master, we- we thought this was just some silly preppy phase you were going through." Ron said.

"Be quiet, orange monkey. Go stand in that corner."

"But I'm not orange anymore! I've dyed my hair black!"

"In the corner!"

Ron nodded and headed to his corner, leaving Neville to glare at the rest of us.

"If you guys don't want to be preppy like me, then that's okay," he said.

I was surprised, and so were my gothic friends.

"Why?"

"Oh, just 'cause. I've got a surprise for you."

We all squealed with happiness. Unintelligent people like us often liked surprises, as we thought that all surprises were nice ones.

… _That night._

Neville was angry. Those rotten kids had deliberately disobeyed him. So what if he used to be a goth too? He was their master, and he told them to change. He'd give them one last chance… He got out his Hannah Montana CD and but it in the Slytherin common room's stereo. A horrible voice began singing,

"You get the beeeeeeeeest of both worlds…"

Moon came down stairs, saying, "Master! What is that horrid noise?"

Neville knew that if Moon Sue didn't like Hannah, she could never be a good prep. He took out his wand, and conjured up a guillotine.

"Go and get all your goffik friends, Moon."

A few hours later, Neville headed out from the castle. He wiped a drop of sweat from his brow. It was nearly dawn. He trudged up to the pumpkin patch, where Hagrid was tending to Buckbeak. Neville suddenly though of how hungry he was, and how delicious hippogriff meat was.

"Go in your hut, fatty. Go in your little fatty hut." Hagrid bowed to his master and went.

And so Neville ate Buckbeak, and it was delicious. This is where we finally end the epic tale of various Mary Sues, and trolling.

Peace out.


End file.
